As a woman living with HIV, life can be difficult at times. I found out about my HIV status after doing a random blood check. At first it was challenging coping with the situation; life was not perfect but my life was full of expectations, joy and dreams. I began having thoughts of dying, being mocked and judged and how I had let my family down, especially my children! I also thought about adhering to treatment and managing my treatment plan.
I began playing the blame game, and suffered from self-pity, all those awful feelings of being alone and having to lie constantly until it became my way of life. It was extremely challenging especially when my partner wanted to have unprotected sex and I had to be saying ‘I do not have a stable home to raise a child’ or ‘my family will put me out’, just to make sure he used a condom every time we had sex. LIE! LIES! Screamed my subconscious. It was painful because I knew that it was because of my HIV status and I had no intentions of exposing myself, him and a child. I have now moved from the victim mode a HIV positive diagnosis had me in. I am alive, sexy, fabulous and proud!
I am here to do what I have to do and after all I have been through, life is worth living. I now try to live life as normal as possible, viewing HIV as any other chronic illness. I know that I am special, a woman of dignity and pride standing up for other women living with HIV.
My outlook on life as I continue living with HIV… I am living life to the fullest, striving to keep my self-esteem at its highest; a positive woman.
- Ven, Promise, Nicky