Recovery

 

How easy it is to blame our problems on others. “Look at what he’s doing.”… “Look how long I’ve waited.”… “Why doesn’t she call?”… “If only he’d change then I’d be happy.”…
Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people’s hands. We call this codependency.
The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid, is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace—within ourselves. We know our happiness isn’t controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.
Then we decide that although we’d like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that’s better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.
Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That’s called recovery.
It’s easy to point our finger at another, but it’s more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.
Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.

Sophie Strachan
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My Positive Partner

I always speculated that being involved with someone who’s HIV positive will be like an end of the world for me. To think of it, I was ignorant and blindly uneducated of the fact there is life after being aware of a positive status.

My partner is HIV positive and there have never been a point in my subconscious on which it seems like I should give up on her or us. When she disclosed to me before our intimacy, I appreciated her more as she has given me a choice to stay with her or leave; I respected her more and took the time out to be sensitized as to the facts and myths surrounding HIV. What stood out to me was that my spouse was and is loaded with a wealth of information about HIV and that motivated me as to her being informative and demonstrated good self-care.

Life is a gift and being HIV positive is not a death sentence! Being fully aware of HIV is a lid opener. Sometime it’s better to look over the mountain top than to stare at its lowest perspective, “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth” ST. Matthew 5:5. My spouse has demonstrated that living with HIV doesn’t mean to overshadow one’s self with negativity, one should remain in a positive frame of mind. I have no regrets accepting my spouse with her positive status, I’m happier and less arrogant or irascible than before. Knowing that my partner is HIV positive has given me the motivation to work harder and the will power to push to the fullest of my abilities as she doesn’t allow her positive status to hinder her from being a nation builder or living to her fullest potential.

Don’t sit feeling sorry for yourself or depressed due to your positive status that can be controlled and maintained medically (medication adherence). Live and love life while being positive, have a positive mind-set each day, live every day, every present moment to the fullest.

It might sound uncanny to some and most probably will be perplexed thinking I’m crazy to be involved with a HIV positive partner but after all, her status doesn’t defines her or the beauty she possess inside. Out with the old in with the new, tolerance, awareness and knowledge allows room for less stigma and discrimination. My partner gave me a choice, her honesty and wealth of knowledge about HIV gave me hope and a different mind-set about positive individuals. Live your life and shine brighter than before!

BY: Supportive partner