Giving

Don’t be afraid of giving.
For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leaves us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful.
This is a temporary spot.
To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life, to be part of the endless cycle of the Universe, guided by our Creator, we need to give and receive.
Both parts are important.
What is healthy giving?
This is a fine-lined behavior each of us must seek to understand for ourselves. It is giving that feels good and does not leave us feeling victimized.
It is giving that holds the giver and the receiver in high esteem.
It is giving based on a desire to do it rather than from a sense of guilt, pity, shame, or obligation.
It is giving with no strings attached. Or it is giving based on a clean, direct contract.
Whether it is giving of our time, efforts, energy, comfort, nurturing, money, or ourselves, it is giving that we can afford.
Giving is part of the chain of giving and receiving. We can learn to give in healthy ways; we can learn to give in love. We need to keep an eye on our giving, to make sure it has not crossed the line into caretaking. But we need to learn to give in ways that work for us and others.
Today, God, guide me in my giving. Help me give to others in healthy ways. Help me give what feels right, what feels good, what feels clean, and what I can afford.

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Taking Care of Ourselves

Sophie Strachan

We do not have to wait for others to come to our aid. We are not victims. We are not helpless.
Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no knights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us.
Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing.
We are our own rescuers.
Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others and stop expecting them to rescue us.
Today, I will let go of the fears and self-doubt that block me from taking assertive action in my best interest. I can take care of myself and let others do the same for themselves.

FIRST ENCOUNTERS #2…

affects us emotionally & is life changing

My first encounter with intimate partner violence was at age of 15 when I was pregnant with my first child.  My parents had left me with caregivers …so now I had to go live with the baby father.  He had 2 girls pregnant at the same time.  I had to become a woman fast … I had to be street wise to survive.  The emotional violence started very early …I could not go anywhere without his permission… and then the financial violence… he would withhold child support from both baby mothers and we had to wait on his sister to purchase the baby clothes and personal items.   Now I know what violence against women is and can help others to step out of violence…Tina

 

My first encounter with sexual violence was at age 15 …when I was raped by the 18-year-old boy I had a crush on.   5 month later I had to leave high school to have a baby.  Both our mothers were upset about their child’s interest …I was feeling so alone … looking at all the plans I had for my life slip by…Hopei

FIRST ENCOUNTERS …

affects us emotionally

My First encounter with Sexual Violence

At the age of eleven, I was sent out by my caregiver when my parents were in England.  I was told to walk on the train line which was the shorter way when I was attacked by a man who drags me in the cane field and was about to rape me, I waited until he was about to come over me and give him a kick in his groin and ran away.  After that the family member I was living with, used this as an opportunity to rape me while his wife was away on weekends at the market I used the same attack method on him which throw him into the Dresser and wounded him, this was the time when the woman believed me …Jenny

 

My first sexual encounter was at the age of fourteen with an older man it was very painful, but he never stopped he kept hurting me …Fifi

 

My first encounter with sexual harassment

My first time is when three men stick me up at gunpoint, took me away and basically rape me, my life mess up for a while and then recovering it my whole life had changed with men because I always remember it at times until age sixteen… D

My first encounter with Sexual Violence

I was about nine year’s old living with my Grand Parent.  I was sexually abused by one of my cousins.  At the time the man was about 50 yrs old I was afraid to tell my grandparents because they would not believe me, they would say is me want it so I didn’t tell anyone and at that time I did not know it was a form of abuse… C

My first encounter with Sexual Violence was at the age of 15 when my stepfather sexually abused me.  I told my mother when she reached home. He said I was telling a lie on him.  I was so embarrassed, and I tell myself that I will never happen to my children and that is a promised I will always keep …T

 

My first encounter with Sexual Violence was at the age of 12 when I was living with my aunty and I was molested by my cousin and every time I told my aunt she said am a liar, then one day my cousin try to do it another time and I stabbed him with a knife and my aunt come home and see and I told her what has happened and my cousin denied it and my aunt didn’t believe same way.  I just plan to move back home to my father… M

 

Timing

Wait until the time is right. It is self-defeating to postpone or procrastinate; it is also self-defeating to act too soon before the time is right.
Sometimes, we panic and take action out of fear. Sometimes, we take untimely action for revenge or because we want to punish someone. We act or speak too soon as a way to control or force someone to action. Sometimes, we take action too soon to relieve feelings of discomfort or anxiety about how a situation will turn out.
An action taken too soon can be as ineffective as one taken too late. It can backfire and cause more problems than it solves. Usually, when we wait until the time is right—sometimes only a matter of minutes or hours—the discomfort dissolves, and we’re empowered to accomplish what we need to do.
In recovery, we are learning to be effective.
Our answers will come. Our guidance will come. Pray. Trust. Wait. Let go. We are being led. We are being guided.
Today, I will let go of my need to control by waiting until the time is right. When the time is right, I will take action.

Discipline

Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.
Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.
Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.
Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.
Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.
Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.
Discipline is the day-to-day performing of tasks, whether these be recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.
Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.
Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we’re moving forward.
But we are.
The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.
Higher Power, help me learn to surrender to discipline. Help me be grateful that You care enough about me to allow these times of discipline and learning in my life. Help me know that as a result of discipline and learning, something important will have been worked out in me.

Owning Our Power

Sophie Strachan

We don’t have to give others so much power and ourselves so little. We don’t have to give others so much credit and ourselves so little. In recovery from codependency, we learn there’s a big difference between humility and discounting ourselves.
When others act irresponsibly and attempt to blame their problems on us, we no longer feel guilty. We let them face their own consequences.
When others talk nonsense, we don’t question our own thinking.
When others try to manipulate or exploit us, we know it’s okay to feel anger and distrust and to say no to the plan.
When others tell us that we want something that we really don’t want, or someone tells us that we don’t want something that we really do want, we trust ourselves. When others tell us things we don’t believe, we know it’s okay to trust our instincts.
We can even change our mind later.
We don’t have to give up our personal power to anyone: strangers, friends, spouses, children, authority figures, or those over whom we’re in authority. People may have things to teach us. They may have more information than we have, and may appear more confident or forceful than we feel. But we are equals. Our magic is not in them. Our magic, our light, is in us. And it is as bright a light as theirs.
We are not second-class citizens. By owning our power, we don’t have to become aggressive or controlling. We don’t have to discount others. But we don’t discount ourselves either.
Today, I will own my power with people. I will let myself know what I know, feel what I feel, believe what I believe, and see what I see. I will be open to changing and learning from others and experience, but I will trust and validate myself too. I will stand in my own truth.